With time,changes occurs.
Woke up this morning and felt really negative.
Mostly because of what I've done and have continued doing.
Tried really hard to calm myself down and managed to stop myself from spiraling down to an anxiety attack.
Though I still feel somewhat restless.
I realized how much I've changed.
Reading my past post for the last 2 years.
I realized how much happier and cheerful I was.
Not that I was a ball of sunshine or anything but still...
Saved for the episode of melt down I had.
That was actually a major episode that I managed to get over and kept positive after that.
Now, it's just I'm generally in this state of non-happiness.
It's not that I'm always happy but I'm almost never happy.
The only time that I'm "happy" is when I have fun.
Which basically involves crazy stuff and being around people that I don't usually hang out with.
I can't keep all of it from being written across my face.
So when people asked if I'm okay.
I'll just say that I'm tired.
Which is I guess not really far away from the truth.
My soul, my mind and my body are all exhausted.
My heart is locked, closed to everyone.
What I used to do is I would at least call someone to pour all my heart now.
Now, I wouldn't.
I can't.
Some things are meant to for the person to get over it.
If it's my own attitude and mindset, no one else would be able to talk me out of it.
I'm really tired.
I have not cried for a long time for I kept a lid of it.
I woke up feeling terrible.
All those negative emotions that I had been keeping on bay had grabbed hold of me again.
I thought that maybe visiting Kinokuniya and doing some shopping might make me feel better, distract myself.
So I dressed up and head out.
On the bus trip to the train station, I had a hard time trying to push all those dark thoughts out of my mind.
"I don't know what I'm doing anymore."
"What the hell have I done!?"
"What the hell have I turned into!?"
"Who the hell am I!?"
"Why did I do that!?"
And the list goes on.
At the train station, I lost my money.
It apparently fell out of my wallet.
$150 gone.
I couldn't help but want to cry.
I was already miserable and this just had to happen.
Gave a call to dad and he said that he'll cover it up for me so that my mum won't find out, I think he could hear the tears in my voice.
Went down to T1 outside Yamakawa super to sit down and try to calm myself down.
I wasn't exactly crying because all I had was a few tears spilling and a lot more that threatened to do so but didn't.
I was so tempted to call someone, have someone to talk to, to calm myself down.
But I decided against it.
It's my own fault that I'm in this state.
Since it's my own fault I shouldn't be crying.
And I shouldn't be calling in my miserable state to another and bother them.
They don't deserve to be disturbed by me nor burdened by me.
So I scolded myself with the magic words and I stopped.
"You brought this upon yourself so don't you dare cry!"
Most of the decision I made.
Most of the things I do.
I've weighted the consequences.
Nobody forced me to to them.
So I don't deserve to regret my actions.
I should face whatever consequences for whatever I did.
Having reminded myself of that.
I felt better.
I was miserable because of what I did so I deserve to be miserable.
So don't cry and wallow in self-pity.
If I'm miserable because I deserve it, than I should just suffer and than find some ways to lift myself up.
Went to kino and bought some books.
Met ZP for lunch/dinner at Taka.
Debated with myself for very long if I should go find him.
I was feeling better but still slightly miserable...so I didn't want him to find out.
On the other hand, I really wanted to show him the oden shop so I sms him.
Only to realize that the shop was gone.
Wanted to kill myself just than.
Managed to act normal when eating.
Most probably because he's so bloody cheerful and his heck-care attitude I can't bring myself to continue feeling miserable.
Ah well...at least now I have books to distract me.
I'll just be a coward for a little bit more.
Than I'll start facing the consequences again.
Gosh, I'm just blabbering now...
My Profile
Visit Akibahara to buy lots of otaku stuff~
.Name: Wong Chiou Torng, pronounced as Qiu Tong...
Initials: Wong C.T
Age:17
Birthday: 25th August
Star sign: Virgo
Nationality:Singaporean
School：Temasek Polytechnic
Loves:Anime and Manga, TPJCG, Food glorious food, Chocolate,Piano :D
Dislikes:Being packed like a sardine and going hungry
名前は：チュ トン
年齢:十七歳
誕生日:25th August 1992
国籍:シンガッポル人
学園:テマせく ポリテクニック
[[ The Wishlist ]]
Grow taller...even by 1cm will do~
Pass Piano Grade 5 Theory
NOT TO HAVE SUPP PAPER!!!
Annaーちゃん.
Gagaーちゃん
Isabellaーちゃん
Joveyーちゃん
Louisーちゃん
Tingkeーちゃん
Zheng Yuanーちゃん
Sindyーちゃｎ
Shi Binー君.
SweeSoonー君.
Da creater
Leave a little pixie dust if you will~
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
April 2009
July 2009
August 2009
November 2009
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
August 2010
October 2010
December 2010
January 2011
May 2011
June 2011
With time,changes occurs.
Woke up this morning and felt really negative.
Mostly because of what I've done and have continued doing.
Tried really hard to calm myself down and managed to stop myself from spiraling down to an anxiety attack.
Though I still feel somewhat restless.
I realized how much I've changed.
Reading my past post for the last 2 years.
I realized how much happier and cheerful I was.
Not that I was a ball of sunshine or anything but still...
Saved for the episode of melt down I had.
That was actually a major episode that I managed to get over and kept positive after that.
Now, it's just I'm generally in this state of non-happiness.
It's not that I'm always happy but I'm almost never happy.
The only time that I'm "happy" is when I have fun.
Which basically involves crazy stuff and being around people that I don't usually hang out with.
I can't keep all of it from being written across my face.
So when people asked if I'm okay.
I'll just say that I'm tired.
Which is I guess not really far away from the truth.
My soul, my mind and my body are all exhausted.
My heart is locked, closed to everyone.
What I used to do is I would at least call someone to pour all my heart now.
Now, I wouldn't.
I can't.
Some things are meant to for the person to get over it.
If it's my own attitude and mindset, no one else would be able to talk me out of it.
I'm really tired.
I have not cried for a long time for I kept a lid of it.
I woke up feeling terrible.
All those negative emotions that I had been keeping on bay had grabbed hold of me again.
I thought that maybe visiting Kinokuniya and doing some shopping might make me feel better, distract myself.
So I dressed up and head out.
On the bus trip to the train station, I had a hard time trying to push all those dark thoughts out of my mind.
"I don't know what I'm doing anymore."
"What the hell have I done!?"
"What the hell have I turned into!?"
"Who the hell am I!?"
"Why did I do that!?"
And the list goes on.
At the train station, I lost my money.
It apparently fell out of my wallet.
$150 gone.
I couldn't help but want to cry.
I was already miserable and this just had to happen.
Gave a call to dad and he said that he'll cover it up for me so that my mum won't find out, I think he could hear the tears in my voice.
Went down to T1 outside Yamakawa super to sit down and try to calm myself down.
I wasn't exactly crying because all I had was a few tears spilling and a lot more that threatened to do so but didn't.
I was so tempted to call someone, have someone to talk to, to calm myself down.
But I decided against it.
It's my own fault that I'm in this state.
Since it's my own fault I shouldn't be crying.
And I shouldn't be calling in my miserable state to another and bother them.
They don't deserve to be disturbed by me nor burdened by me.
So I scolded myself with the magic words and I stopped.
"You brought this upon yourself so don't you dare cry!"
Most of the decision I made.
Most of the things I do.
I've weighted the consequences.
Nobody forced me to to them.
So I don't deserve to regret my actions.
I should face whatever consequences for whatever I did.
Having reminded myself of that.
I felt better.
I was miserable because of what I did so I deserve to be miserable.
So don't cry and wallow in self-pity.
If I'm miserable because I deserve it, than I should just suffer and than find some ways to lift myself up.
Went to kino and bought some books.
Met ZP for lunch/dinner at Taka.
Debated with myself for very long if I should go find him.
I was feeling better but still slightly miserable...so I didn't want him to find out.
On the other hand, I really wanted to show him the oden shop so I sms him.
Only to realize that the shop was gone.
Wanted to kill myself just than.
Managed to act normal when eating.
Most probably because he's so bloody cheerful and his heck-care attitude I can't bring myself to continue feeling miserable.
Ah well...at least now I have books to distract me.
I'll just be a coward for a little bit more.
Than I'll start facing the consequences again.
Gosh, I'm just blabbering now...